Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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