Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
