maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
