That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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