ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i think i just lost a toe
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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