I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
