Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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