So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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