Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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