The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
