You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
