You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
