somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i now understand why vodka
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
