I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dear god my vagina.
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