since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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