Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
