I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
