Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
