Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Two words: blizzard sex
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
