if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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