I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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