You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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