This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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