mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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