Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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