I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
