Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
