I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
