theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
