I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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