You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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