College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
