My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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