the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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