did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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