I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
