You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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