I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
