my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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