I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
