was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
