zippers are such a cool invention
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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