I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
