I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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