so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
