it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
