She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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