I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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