Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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