well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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