i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
