Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
