she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
