Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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