That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
