I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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