stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
