I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
