On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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