He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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