Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
