4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
