Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
