I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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