I'm so fucking centered right now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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