he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
