me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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