So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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